Do's and Don'ts of the Pattaya Sex Scene
DO'S
1. DO take sufficient money. Although a paying sexual encounter, by western standards, is relatively cheap, you may become sex-crazed and go through all your money in record time; plus the fact, the ladies are ingenious when it comes to extracting your lucre. Pace yourself.
2. DO experiment. What’s on offer is Go-Go bars where the ladies are often semi-clad or even nude, so you see what you’re getting in advance; beer bars, where the idea is to get you to spend as much as possible on drinks before bar-fining and taking the lady back to your hotel; short-time bars, similar to beer bars, except with en-suite bedrooms; lady-houses, usually only for Thais; 500 Baht pick-ups in discos, and short-time encounters on Beach Road, but these ladies have a high turn over and are dangerous in terms of STDs.
3. DO expect to have to pay for bar-fines (the fee to take the lady out of the bar), lady drinks and the lady. Go-Go bars charge the most because the females are well-above average, so you can expect to pay bar fines of c.500 Baht and between c.1-3,000 Baht, depending on the lady. Beer bars are much cheaper, but the cheapest is bars with en-suite bedrooms where the average all-in price is 500 Baht, plus drinks. Try Soi 6.
4. DO use a condom, unless you both want to get blood-tests to eliminate AIDS, gonorrhoea, TB and hepatitis risks.
5. DO appreciate that the ladies usually have to support a family back home.
6. DO be generous, otherwise you’ll be cheated, gain a bad-reputation and be shunned by the ladies.
7. DO keep your wits about you, especially after dark.
DON'TS
1. DON’T confuse lust and love. The ladies are past-mistresses at beguiling you.
2. DON’T take too many ladies from the same bar. They can be very jealous and murderous. Bobbitting (having your genitals cut off) is no idle threat!
3. DON’T buy too many lady drinks. The bar-owner and ladies become too avaricious and it’s bad for the rest of us!
4. DON’T believe everything the ladies tell you, especially if they speak good English, wear fashionable clothes and lots of gold. They’ve been around forever!
5. DON’T promise to send your chosen lady 30,000 Baht a month to stay away from bar-work and remain faithful to you. They often have 2 or 3 star-struck foreign lovers on a string and Thai boyfriends as well!
6. DON’T go home, sell up and return to get married. Not unless you can support yourself. Jobs are difficult to come by.
7. DON’T put property or cars in your wife/girlfriend’s name, if you return to get married. Form a company and buy that way.
8. DON’T ejaculate more than once every 20 days if you’re over 60. The protein loss is too high. (bit unrealistic that one)
9. DON’T overuse Viagra or combine it with excessive alcohol if you have high blood pressure or a weak heart.
10. DON’T wear gold or expensive watches. You’ll loose them!
